When I was in middle school, my mom made me quit the basketball team.
I went to a small church school about a half hour from our house, with maybe twenty-five kids in my grade, and when winter rolled around, pretty much everyone played basketball. There just weren’t enough of us for anyone to sit it out. So of course I wanted to be on the girls’ team (all my friends were on it), and my mom let me give it a try for a few weeks. I wasn’t a star, but I also wasn’t hiding in the corner hoping nobody would pass me the ball. I scored a few points a game and held my own.
Then one day my mom said, “Okay, we’re done with basketball.”
I was so mad. Her reasoning was that it was too hard on the family, which, to a middle schooler, sounded like the most made-up excuse in the history of excuses. It took me about thirty years and two kids of my own to realize she was completely right.
What My Mom Saw That I Couldn’t
Here’s what was actually happening behind the scenes. My younger brother, Niccolo, went to the same school, and he was not a sports kid. On practice days, my mom couldn’t justify driving another hour round trip, so she’d pick him up and the two of them would kill time downtown until I was done. By the time we got home, there was no time to cook, so dinner usually came out of a paper bag in the car (I ate a lot of fast food that winter). Game nights were even longer. I’d stay after school, play the game, and get home late, and my brother would get dragged along to sit on the bleachers for a sport he didn’t care about one bit.
One activity for one kid was rearranging the whole family’s week.
Then she pointed to the piano. I’d been playing since I was five, and she said piano fit our family in a way basketball never would. Aside from one lesson a week, it lived at home, and it pulled everyone in rather than pulling me away. I didn’t buy it at the time, but I’m buying it wholesale now.
How to Choose Extracurricular Activities for Kids That Fit Your Family
I want to be clear that this isn’t an anti-sports post. My mom had nothing against basketball, and neither do I (some of you have kids who come alive on a soccer field, and that’s a beautiful thing to watch). The question she was asking had less to do with whether basketball was good and more to do with whether it was good for us, in that season.
I’ve come to think of activities a little like trains and fireplaces. Some activities are like a train that leaves the station at 3:45 whether your family is ready or not, and everyone has to be standing on the platform. Others are more like a fire in the fireplace, something that stays put at home and that people naturally drift toward.
When you’re weighing extracurricular activities for kids, especially as a homeschooling family whose days already revolve around being together, these questions can help:
- Where does it happen? At home, or across town three nights a week?
- Who else has to come along? Count the siblings who will be riding along or waiting in a lobby.
- What happens to your evenings? Notice whether family dinner survives or disappears.
- Does it invite the family in or send one child out? Some activities give your whole family something to share, while others are really one person’s thing (which is fine, as long as you say yes to that knowingly).
- Is this the right season? A “not right now” doesn’t have to mean “never.”
Why Piano Became Our Family’s Fireplace
Practice happened in our living room. Nicco and I played duets together, and our “Linus and Lucy” got plenty of mileage (and then some). We went to each other’s recitals and clapped for each other, even after we eventually wandered down pretty different paths as musicians.
My mom wasn’t a pianist, but that never kept her out. When I got stuck on a tricky passage, she’d sit down beside me and help me think it through. What if you just work on this section first? Other times she’d simply come in, ask what I was learning, and then curl up with a book while I played. I can’t overstate how much that meant to me. She had nothing to critique and no agenda, but her presence told me that what I was doing mattered to her.
Now, I’m not going to pretend every practice memory is golden. There were plenty of days I’d have rather done literally anything else (my mom could tell you stories). But when I look back, the individual practice sessions blur together, and what stays crystal clear is the feeling of being part of a musical family.
You Don’t Have to Be Musical to Build a Musical Family
If you’re reading this and thinking, “That’s lovely, Carly, but I can’t read a note of music,” I want you to hear this from someone who has taught piano for more than twenty-two years: my mom couldn’t really either, and she was one of the biggest parts of my musical life.
Your child doesn’t need you to be an expert. They need you nearby and interested. That might look like:
- Reading on the couch while they practice
- Asking them to play you “the new song” after dinner
- Learning a simple duet part alongside them
- Inviting the grandparents over for a living room recital (cookies optional, but highly recommended)
This is exactly why I built Busy Kids Do Piano the way I did. The lessons are videos your family can watch together at home, on your own schedule, with listening tracks and parent support tips so you can support practice between lessons without a music degree. It’s an activity designed to fit into family life rather than compete with it. Come see how it works.
The Gift Your Kids Might Not Thank You for Yet
Choosing extracurricular activities for kids can feel like a lot of pressure, especially when every family around you seems to be signed up for all the things. Saying no can feel like you’re holding your child back (I certainly felt held back that winter).
But what my mom gave me was so much bigger than one basketball season. She gave me a family that made music together, and I still carry that with me every time I sit down at the piano, including on Sunday mornings at church.
So if you’re staring down another sign-up sheet this fall, it’s okay to ask my mom’s question: does this fit the family we want to be? Your kids may roll their eyes now. Someday, they just might thank you.
I’m cheering you on!
Carly
